Ireland!

Wow. That’s pretty much all I can say at this point. We just finished up day three in Ireland.

It’s amazing.

The people, the towns, the views, the history….the food.

Yes, as of the past three days, I am not following the keto diet. I’m not weighing myself daily like I was before. I had bread. Lots of bread. I had scones and soda bread and brown bread and black pudding made with oatmeal.

And it was all glorious. GLORIOUS!!

Now, to be fair, the wheels have not come off. While I may be overindulging at times, I am not eating everything and anything in sight. I have some control. (Some)

This way of vacation has a positive and negative process. The positive is that I have accepted the potential weight gain result of my (lack of) diet. On the negative side, one of my ultimate goals is to get to a point where I can eat daily without worrying about counting calories and gaining weight…and if I gain weight while enjoying myself, well that will be upsetting. If I go 9 days without counting calories, am I really incapable of control?

Who knows at this point. I sure dont.

(And for your viewing pleasure….a few photos.

Reflection on a milestone

This is how I see myself. Pretty much all the time. This photo was taken 15 years ago while filming the movie Rolling Kansas. It was my first time working on a movie and was an amazing experience. Yet when I come across pictures of myself in that movie, I cringe. I just see a fat guy. I always just see a fat guy. Pictures on a vacation…fat guy. Wedding photos…fat guy. The happiest moments of my adult life and I see a fat guy and am embarrassed.

Today I got onto the scale and hit a big milestone. 70 pounds gone.

That sounds crazy to say. Since January 1st I’ve dropped 70 pounds from my body.

7.0.

Yet I still am haunted by how big I was. I still fear gaining the weight back.

And yet none of my friends or family around me EVER make me feel bad for being fat. They never mock me. They never make weight an issue.

But I do. And I know I’m lucky. I know for many people they are ridiculed and teased for their weight. I’ve seen it. It’s awful.

Finding a way to be comfortable with who we are, inside and out, is hard. We all have demons of many different kinds. My weight, how I look, and how I handle that has crippled me for too long.

Today I hit a milestone. Just in time for my vacation. It’s amazing. It feels great. Yet that haunting feeling and insecurity hovers over me still. Today I can handle it. Probably tomorrow as well. There may be a time in the future that I let it control me. I can’t continue to fear that day. And I cant continue to view myself based on my weight. I have to view myself based on my extraordinarily good looks and charm. See, I’m humble too.

😉

68 Pounds and a Trip to Ireland

I’m two weeks away from taking a vacation to Ireland with my wife. And I’m two pounds away from 70 pounds gone.

This vacation will test my diet and control but I’m also not putting a lot of pressure on myself. If I gain a few pounds that’s ok. I can’t let the number on the scale control me anymore.

So, to Ireland and beyond!