Hiding from failure

I had visions of being wildly successful on my weight loss journey.

Never stumbling.

Never messing up.

Never gaining some weight back because my blood pressure medicine was reduced and it backfired causing awful headaches when I worked out and thus forcing me to quit working out and then being upset about it so my discipline in the kitchen went out the window and I started eating poorly and gaining weight back and I blamed it on the medicine as a way to justify why I’d gained some weight back.

Oops. Sorry. I ranted.

All of those nevers happened.

I stumbled.

I messed up.

And my blood pressure medicine did go crazy sending me in a nearly two month free fall.

Long story short…the ultimate desire was to lose enough weight to be taken off my blood pressure medicine. When I hit 80 pounds gone my doctor took me off one of my two pills. It didnt work. My blood pressure rose drastically and I started getting migraine like headaches after working out. I started seeing a specialist who put me on new meds. Those didnt work. Eventually, however, everything went back to normal. My blood pressure went from 120 over 80 to 165 over 105 and is now back to 120 over 80.

(If you dont know blood pressure numbers, that 165 over 105 is very not good)

So. I wasnt allowed to work out. I started cheating on my diet. I started not counting calories and getting fast food more often. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner.

And I gained weight.

10 pounds to be exact. Suddenly I couldnt say I’d lost 80 pounds. It was only 70.

And then the panic set in. Soon I’ll have only lost 60 pounds. Then 50. Then depression and fear and anger and my entire journey will soon by wiped out.

But I refused to let it happen that way. I refused to allow myself to fail again.

And with the help of some friends, my wife, a Facebook group of awesome people to discuss weight issues….I got refocused and rededicated.

I’ve lost 5 pounds of the 10 I gained.

So 75 pounds gone.

I’ve got a few weeks left in 2018. Here we go. Bring it on, 2019

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