Confessions and Acceptance

When I began my weight loss journey nine months ago I set out to fix who I was as a person. Inside and out. I am forty years old, arthritic, sore, in pain most of the time. Changing my diet, being disciplined with what and how I eat, and adding in exercise has helped drop the pounds. Yet there was more to it than diet and exercise.

I wanted to fix me.

That has turned out to be the hardest part.

You see, what doesn’t get talked about a lot with regards to weight loss, is how important it is to fix the mind. Fix our self esteem. Fix our attitude about life in general. Watching what you eat can only take you so far if you aren’t mentally prepared to adapt to the bumps in life.

I know for me personally, being obese for so long made me angry at the world. It made me bitter. And not just on the surface. Not just the cliché anger over not being able to buy clothes in a store or fit on a ride at an amusement park. Those things hurt, sure, but the low self esteem and pain from being overweight affected me in ways that I didn’t think were related to weight.

My internal sadness affected who I was as a father, a husband, a friend. My low energy and embarrassment kept me from playing games with my kids. My sulking, even when I didn’t know I was doing it, kept me from giving my wife the attention she deserves. To ask about how her day went or see when she needed help or simply a hug. I had selfish blinders to the world. HAVE selfish blinders.

Now, let me be very honest, being overweight is not to blame for every failed moment I had as a person. That would be an unfair, cheap deflection. I own my mistakes and my laziness. I own my selfishness.

I have not failed at changing. My journey continues but I must start addressing that part of me that is more than just the number on my scale. I need to start addressing me, who I am, how I treat those that I love the most.
Losing weight has been amazing. Eighty pounds gone in 2018. Twenty-five more to go. But I have more to work on beyond those pounds. I have more to fix.

I’m ready for the challenge.

I’m ready.

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