40 years old and angry

This journey has been more than just dropping weight to me. From the very beginning it has been a reset of who I am as a person. Yes I have focused mainly on my diet and a number on the scale but I have also found myself paying attention to my attitude and personality.

To be honest, I had grown bitter and judgmental with age. I was turning into the “get off my lawn” old man. Forty years old, 320 pounds, staring directly at a mid-life crisis. I would lose my patience with my kids, my wife, strangers, my dog, anything and anyone. I would disappear behind the screen of my phone and miss life. I made excuses more than memories.

I dont want to blame my weight on all of that but I know it played a big part. I have been, for years, so unhappy with how I looked and felt that it was changing me into a darker person. Everytime I couldn’t use a seatbelt on a plane because of my belly or couldn’t ride a rollercoaster or couldn’t fit through a door without turning sideways, it affected me.

Forty years old and angry.

Over the past 7 months I have done a lot of soul searching, a lot of meditation, a lot of looking in the mirror. That’s where the name of this blog came from. At the time I started this journey my kids were going through a Michael Jackson phase.

“If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change”

-Man in the Mirror.

Change is hard, everyone knows that. You’re fighting against the grain on a path you may have helped create.

For the past seven months I’ve been moving against the grain of an angry life I had created. It’s been easy at times, hard at times, frustrating and humbling. The last two months my weight has stayed within the same 4 pounds. I stand at 73 pounds dropped since January 1st. Make no mistake, I am ecstatic at that. Yet I know I have a long way to go. I want to drop about 40 more pounds and then find a way to maintain it. This will be a lifelong journey.

But because I have been focusing on who I am as a person right along with how I eat, I feel confident. I’ve taken breaks from social media, put the phone down and looked up. I’ve realized how my poor attitude affected my family and have worked to adjust. I’ve looked to improving me, inside and out.

My journey continues.

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