It really is hard for me to talk about how much I weigh or share photos of how I look. It embarrasses me. Just saying the number out loud makes me cringe. For the longest time I thought being fat meant I was a failure. I was embarrassed meeting my wife’s coworkers because I felt my weight would affect what they thought of me or my wife.
Now, understand that most of this is in my mind. Nobody fat shamed me. Nobody ever winced at my weight when they met me. Nobody has ever treated me differently. Or if they have, they’ve done a great job of hiding it.
I’m not ashamed of being fat. Not anymore. Being fat didn’t have to change who I was as a person. For too long I let my feelings about my weight control how I acted. I was angry at myself and let that control who I was to the rest of the world. It has taken a long time to see through that bad image of myself. I honestly think if I had started a diet without working on my mental state first, I would fail. Understanding the long road ahead will have setbacks and bumps has allowed me to stay focused. I will have setbacks. I will plateau. I will be frustrated. But that doesn’t need to control who I am as a person. I’m going to stop hating me.
Below is my weight loss since I began this journey. I am not ashamed to share the number anymore. It’s just a number.