Fear is the Mind Killer

I wasnt sure what to expect when I started this blog. I thought it would be therapeutic to myself if I shared my journey. Maybe blogging would make me more accountable? Maybe my journey would help others, inspire others, motivate them? Probably a bit of everything. I’ve said before that I hate sharing photos of […]

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40 years old and angry

This journey has been more than just dropping weight to me. From the very beginning it has been a reset of who I am as a person. Yes I have focused mainly on my diet and a number on the scale but I have also found myself paying attention to my attitude and personality. To […]

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Back in the States

My trip is over and I am back in Texas. I still wont be home for a few more days, meaning I wont be weighing myself until Monday. Which I guess is a good thing? Maybe? I honestly have no idea if I gained or lost weight. My instinct says I did…I mean, I ate […]

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Wow. That’s pretty much all I can say at this point. We just finished up day three in Ireland. It’s amazing. The people, the towns, the views, the history….the food. Yes, as of the past three days, I am not following the keto diet. I’m not weighing myself daily like I was before. I had […]

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Reflection on a milestone

This is how I see myself. Pretty much all the time. This photo was taken 15 years ago while filming the movie Rolling Kansas. It was my first time working on a movie and was an amazing experience. Yet when I come across pictures of myself in that movie, I cringe. I just see a […]

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The Fat Remains

Losing 63 pounds has been amazing, don’t get me wrong. I’m starting to get regular compliments and I will admit it feels good. But my own self image has a long way to go. I dont consider myself a skinny person. Or even healthy person. Yes I’ve lost a lot of weight but I’m still […]

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DDP Yoga

I normally wake up at 615am to get my son ready for school. Its early. I dont like early. I also dont like being fat so today I set my alarm for 530am. I dragged my tired body out of bed and did a 22 minute DDP Yoga workout. I cursed a few times at […]

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For years I shopped at fat guy stores. I’ve had the same few pairs of jeans for years because I HATE clothes shopping. My jeans are size 50, crazy baggy, sagging everywhere. They are embarrassing…to me. Today I bought clothes in a “normal” store. Old Navy. Yes. I found a pair of jeans in my […]


Workout and shout out

Today is day 12 in the gym out of the last 16 days. Five days a week for the past 2 weeks and 2 days. I want to thank Joshua Samuel for giving me a workout routine that fits my experience, age, and ability. I’ve never met Joshua except in the social media world. He’s […]

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Stuck but ok?

My weight is still at a standstill. I havent dropped or gained any weight in more than 3 weeks. I am frustrated, yes, but not losing my focus. The two things that have changed in that time have been my thyroid medication dosage and I’ve added a new workout routine. Both probably are playing into […]

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Workout routine

I am on week three of a new workout program. Five days a week of isolated workouts! I never thought I’d be able to workout five days a week yet here I am. Each day works a certain part of the body. Monday: chest Tuesday: shoulders Wednesday: back Thursday: legs Friday: arms and abs. I […]

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Me. No more hiding.

I was blind to who I had become. I knew I was fat but I tricked myself into thinking that was all I was. The truth is I had become a shell of who I was, who I needed to be. At my heaviest, at the end of last year, I avoided physical activities, was […]

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My Voice Is Back

I’m at the gym. My Voice is here. I try to block it out but the voice in your head is the loudest voice there is. You failed. You’re a failure. It’s too late. Give up. Look at the guy. Look at her. Look at their form, their muscles. They’re better than you. You’re doing […]

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Oh boy

Sometimes you hit a wall. Sometimes you hit a speed bump. Sometimes you get hit on all sides by a perfect storm of doh. So, here I am. Down 45 pounds and going strong. Then some things happened… First and foremost, I will admit I have become careless. My ultimate goal has always been to […]

Read More Oh boy